[Published in Anodis: http://anodis.com/nota.asp?id=10159 ]
Colloquially, we recognize in the environment to gay "couples open" as those who have chosen to open its relationship to integrate third, and for one night and a single sexual encounter, and for the third party is installed as a permanent member of the relationship, which obviously no longer a partner to become a trio or "heritage" , as some prefer to call it. Is a mutual agreement between both members of the relationship and consequently a product of new rules.
The specific situation is: one day one of them offers the other going out to meet people, go out and bind to the third party, or out and some of both cruising and will bring the third party to present to your partner. The reason to do something like this are several, each couple is very different from other, different even from those in the past may hold the same members of the relationship, often become victims of chronic fatigue, a sort of weariness that occurs after months or years to live together without the opportunity to open up to other social bonds, other times the couple emotionally disconnected and lost its charm for sex.
When this or other situations appear in the guise of boredom in front the other partner, a loss of sexual chemistry or a significant deficit in communication, some couples choose to break, take the pain of loss and failure and seek to build a new relationship, every man for himself side. Some others identify the problem when it is still possible to negotiate, and specifically choose to open their relationship.
is impossible to determine how this alternative can salvage the relationship, since the dynamics of each couple is different and what works for one, can be disastrous for another. So, if you actually open the connection is an alternative, it is necessary to consider these four aspects:
- Your partner and you should take the time to sit down and put the cards on the table: Who proposed open relationship?, Why? It is necessary that the need is well identified that will meet or what will solve this decision and if such a need is personal or shared.
- Having identified the need to go to cover opening the relationship, establish rules, do not obviate anything or give it for granted that the other understood also something that was not said. How far will allow the third party or third parties entering the relationship?, How often?; Is it only sexual interaction with the third, or incorporate it into your life as a couple?, Would it be love?, Is worth seeing every one by his side, or always be involved with others as a couple?
- Define an area untouched, a moment or activity that will never be shared with anyone and will be the exclusive domain for both. No third party will have access to this intimate setting.
- Finally, determine how that person will be looking to include in the relationship, age, socio-cultural level, etc., based on attributes that are both important. This will be a guideline to go to the search.
Four points are central ingredient for negotiation. Be clear when talking and take this dialogue as seriously as it would be their relationship, it depends what could be a help, as it is not the final decision for the couple. Consider, however, that there may be illusions that lead to a major error in its decision, some are, for example, looking outside their relationship answers can only be found within it, sometimes it is better to check if they have been honest enough between them to be released the way everyone is experiencing the relationship that they share, sometimes love is over, and include a third is a way to find love again without addressing the failure of the relationship or the loneliness of parting, and sometimes a the two just do not know how to communicate and to refer to other's needs therefore to include someone else is, in fact, add a mediator to couple dynamics.
How equivocándote know you're not choosing? Communication with your partner is the key, while to be honest and persistent, have a greater certainty of how's your relationship. For excellent communication: full confidence in your partner. Do not seek counsel with others about whether you should open your relationship, this issue concerns them and finally you is not something good or bad, does not necessarily mean sex addiction or a bad relationship; If needed, feel free to review the idea with your partner.
The specific situation is: one day one of them offers the other going out to meet people, go out and bind to the third party, or out and some of both cruising and will bring the third party to present to your partner. The reason to do something like this are several, each couple is very different from other, different even from those in the past may hold the same members of the relationship, often become victims of chronic fatigue, a sort of weariness that occurs after months or years to live together without the opportunity to open up to other social bonds, other times the couple emotionally disconnected and lost its charm for sex.
When this or other situations appear in the guise of boredom in front the other partner, a loss of sexual chemistry or a significant deficit in communication, some couples choose to break, take the pain of loss and failure and seek to build a new relationship, every man for himself side. Some others identify the problem when it is still possible to negotiate, and specifically choose to open their relationship.
is impossible to determine how this alternative can salvage the relationship, since the dynamics of each couple is different and what works for one, can be disastrous for another. So, if you actually open the connection is an alternative, it is necessary to consider these four aspects:
- Your partner and you should take the time to sit down and put the cards on the table: Who proposed open relationship?, Why? It is necessary that the need is well identified that will meet or what will solve this decision and if such a need is personal or shared.
- Having identified the need to go to cover opening the relationship, establish rules, do not obviate anything or give it for granted that the other understood also something that was not said. How far will allow the third party or third parties entering the relationship?, How often?; Is it only sexual interaction with the third, or incorporate it into your life as a couple?, Would it be love?, Is worth seeing every one by his side, or always be involved with others as a couple?
- Define an area untouched, a moment or activity that will never be shared with anyone and will be the exclusive domain for both. No third party will have access to this intimate setting.
- Finally, determine how that person will be looking to include in the relationship, age, socio-cultural level, etc., based on attributes that are both important. This will be a guideline to go to the search.
Four points are central ingredient for negotiation. Be clear when talking and take this dialogue as seriously as it would be their relationship, it depends what could be a help, as it is not the final decision for the couple. Consider, however, that there may be illusions that lead to a major error in its decision, some are, for example, looking outside their relationship answers can only be found within it, sometimes it is better to check if they have been honest enough between them to be released the way everyone is experiencing the relationship that they share, sometimes love is over, and include a third is a way to find love again without addressing the failure of the relationship or the loneliness of parting, and sometimes a the two just do not know how to communicate and to refer to other's needs therefore to include someone else is, in fact, add a mediator to couple dynamics.
How equivocándote know you're not choosing? Communication with your partner is the key, while to be honest and persistent, have a greater certainty of how's your relationship. For excellent communication: full confidence in your partner. Do not seek counsel with others about whether you should open your relationship, this issue concerns them and finally you is not something good or bad, does not necessarily mean sex addiction or a bad relationship; If needed, feel free to review the idea with your partner.
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