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[Published in Anodis.com: http://anodis.com/nota/17225.asp ]

Today AIDS has ceased to be a chilling ghost that lurked in the darkness of our sheets (or the hotel's back seat or dark rooms, you know), has gradually been losing his face gaunt and affected by lipodystrophy, attacked and killed by Kaposi eventually died. Today we have treatments and medications that are not as aggressive as they were in the years eighties, when the disease appears in our society dictating a sentence safe for most of those infected with the virus now know that living with HIV does not necessarily mean being sick, let alone you will die the day after tomorrow.

We were getting used to being afraid and as a natural human reaction, trivialize the source of our anxiety to get a sigh of relief. Nobody likes to live in fear. The result was that gradually we've played down the risk to life has AIDS, and be specific: not for the quantity but the quality of life.

research laboratories have been responsible for a woman or man with cancer, hepatitis, AIDS or from many other diseases, can achieve good life expectancy, in the same contributing institutions of various types, with programs and public health plans, provides everything needed for patient to stabilize and survive. That's fine, great, compared to what little we had before. And with news like this, also the attitude of people is changing.

is not necessarily that of Mexican society know more about HIV than before, but one thing we have very clear all: not to discriminate against someone because father lives with a particular condition, or because they live infected with something that is not can be transmitted by everyday mechanisms, such as the AIDS virus. People now feel sorry for us that we cache discriminating public, so, at least sometimes we keep our negative attitudes to the private, when almost no one listens. With this situation of political correctness, and does not "much" worth leaving home to queue at a health clinic and get your monthly allocation of antiretrovirals, the rising social acceptance, whether genuine or merely apparent, means that when you live HIV-positive as you can assimilate "easier" that condition in your life.

reference point to say something like this is the poor quality of life he was a man or woman in the eighties and early nineties, when unexpectedly acquired HIV through sexual transmission or blood, and whereas, of course, that you read these lines refer to countries or populations relatively advanced. In an African community, Indigenous or living in extreme poverty, there was not much to do when you know you're infected with a virus like this. Similarly, it is necessary to point out that living with HIV is always a challenge in life, so that no matter how advanced the treatment, it is never that easy to live being HIV positive.

Unless, of course, that treatments consisting of a vaccine or cure. All

evident to even the most inattentive observer, that is changing the way our societies are being associated with HIV no longer live with the fear that moved us in another time, because now AIDS is no longer the strange evil that we knew nothing, and he feared mainly because it was unknown. Today is a daily subject well, we see in advertising and movie theater, all we know someone living with HIV or a celebrity who died of an illness that is complicated by the presence of AIDS and so on. We do not fear, at least not much, and live without fear that's fine. So the new campaigns HIV awareness and speeches need resources other than the propagation of fear for public impact, one no longer clings to hear that if you do this or that you'll die, or suffer eternal torment if you do not act like you. Now the discourse needs to be another, especially in the field of HIV,
because the relationship we have today with AIDS also is another.

In television and other media will give ten thousand arguments as to why you should to avoid getting sick, but how many campaigns have been made about the self? We speak in detail about the death but how about you talk a little about the joys of life?

Indeed it is not live in fear, but do not normalize the risk is the degree to neutralize any preventive behavior: with the arrival of the new century spread sexual practices, such as bareback, which not only grew in popularity, but have helped grow the statistics of HIV infection. In bareback, who maintain a sexual relationship they choose not to use condoms at the time of penetration, the reasons for this preference is very varied, ranging from "with a condom does not feel the same" to "I like to get in the hands of my man, "or" I want my partner to rely completely on me. " It is true that the meeting unprotected sex with a person who is HIV positive will not necessarily result in transmission of virus, but the random chance alone and that happens during unprotected sex is tantamount to bet our quality of life in the shooting of a coin . How many punters know that experts would point to a game like this?

Still, in recent years has spread alarmingly in the United States sexual practice that combines sex parties, secrecy and HIV, but not included in the formula to protected sex, not by forgetting, but by strategy. Come on, think that by definition is a sexual orgy massive that may or may not involve the use of condoms, in orgies, well, there may be those who prefer to only watch, not participate, or who just go to walk around naked. In sex parties where HIV is the guest of honor, however, participants attend strongly to exposure to the transmission of "bug", an insect, which is the nickname that identifies the virus, by an act they call " the gift, or gift. Calls may be in different social networking sites where release date and venue, to them who seek to give away attending the virus and those who want to receive it. Today starts and if any in Mexico.

Some of the recipients of gift say that thanks to "the gift "can keep them a part of their partner (the shift), which in some cases is the one who transmits the virus, others suggest that when you take your blood" bug "your life changes (which is all undeniable lights) are displayed themselves as something other than what they were, with a sense of belonging and identification with other people carriers. Talking to them in an interview through chat rooms, it seems to be talking to people in a deep search of its identity and uncomfortable with themselves. Whatever your idea of \u200b\u200bHIV poses, is that being carriers of the virus have access to social programs, support groups, networks and other spaces to which belong. Somehow, choose to lead his search for an identity to the challenge of living with HIV, finally, confirm them, having HIV is not necessarily sick.

Living with HIV actually does not mean being sick, but it is also true that the quality of life is tremendously compromised. The person living as a carrier or carrier of the virus, you need to take good care of their quality of sleep, eating habits, sexual practices, physical activity and even their moods, ok, it is true that every human being also requires take care of your sleep, sexuality, food, exercise and emotions to have a good quality of life, but when it carries the HIV, which was recommended at a time, now becomes mandatory. No matter which institution is responsible for providing you with resources to stay well, and that organization will offer programs that do not feel alone in your fight against the virus, and finally you yourself who choose or not to leave home and face life, you who carries the virus inside and who chooses or not to continue treatment to keep it or leave.

The existence of AIDS and the possibility of becoming infected with HIV is not something to be taken lightly. It is true that what makes a carrier of the virus to survive, is what anyone would do with himself to be good, but with HIV you have fewer opportunities a mistake, and less time to waste. Working in psychotherapy with people who are HIV-I met people living with HIV have managed to stay well, and incidentally, have been built exemplary lives, is a level of health that I envy: take care of themselves and themselves substantial value in a life and have worked so hard to find "balance" that have become great people, but there is something that they say: what a shame I had to live with the virus to have to realize this.

Finally, no matter what face we give to the AIDS, is not nothing but a disease that can lead to HIV infection and ultimately not so much the way we relate to it, simply change the focus: what matters is the way I relate myself or myself and the value I put my future and my quality of life, how I could face the challenge of living a life with HIV, how it would facilitate my future plans if today I give importance to my welfare?

This is a blog post http://xiu-cuautli.blogspot.com/

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Tarzan Force

I want to give more than a kiss when greeting. Two as English. I wish I had a deck of tarot English. I desire that my tarot says good times are coming. I hope the time will not pass so fast when I see her smiling. I want to know how to be a smile that was not. I wish it was not me not obscure the view. I want to heal my myopia. I wish to refocus my life and being that I was not yet. Which is clearly was not that I can be. My potential is in the swell of my cycle, the moon, my sex, always at your meeting. My flower is an orange. My delivery is a response to the energy that I have been embedded. I drink water. I take thee sacred elephant. The sacred was never far from assured you in my arms, let me touch. And when I hold you, do not imagine loving son, brother, I guess all in all, every student, every patient at every appointment. Patient no hope, no hope. Pears are sentences that leave scars. Scars are forever, but the body is reinventing itself completely within 3 months. Three is One and One is three. To define an A, there are two, and if there is one and another is a sacred bond called 3. Mother turned 3 years, donor and abandonante. I want to open and break the blue lens that convinces me a life repeatedly. I want to cut ties that bind. I want to stay in life. I want to honor every inch of my body as if the stretch marks were beautiful. I want to symbolize the beauty in the continued perception of this that has my daughter. I want to thank me for aunarme life forces, called parents, political families, and few new hairstyles. I want no more hair I fall. Lie, I want to drop me all that you place a new one. I want to trust that does not depend on my effort. I do not believe in the plans, do not believe in the effort. I believe in the strength of the connection and the inner fire engine. I want to love my swamp rosad-.coral. I want to lose the fear of love. Yo I want to be free of my violation terrified, I take a walk. I get on the elephant tiezo, rough and armed, and I let myself go ...
Pd: Alek, I find that I am tarzan ...

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all end together, 10 years of heartbreak

A rickety mattress in the middle of my house. I know you have something to say. You have the certainty that ours is not ours, not going anywhere, you can not label. Ok. NO signs in a deep, sad, rootless. I can not sleep this last night with you, tomorrow I can not feel empty, your breath, not your smell, without your smile. But this is so are of healthy adults and assholes. So let us go, because we wanted enough ¿?, Because we could not fail us, and because we looked different backgrounds. Purchase invoices, we ate on the terrace, crying in the sun, understood. Without pluton, without real love, pain, and uncertainty began my way to exhaustion and emptiness. You took the subway, I was a taxi just around the corner. And it lasted, was enjoyed.
I love you. I carry in my soul. Chau was sit-


, helpless, waiting on the steps of your door. It was very cold, but they were naked. I saw you arrive, I knew I'd lost you forever. I knew you were there life because you had obliged. I knew it was the last time I visit your home.
I did not want to waste time. Dress my white legs in winter. Dress up my arms without a fight, no dreams. My pubic crushed. We look
6.7.8 ... I tried to imagine the passing hours. The scene of the Madrigosa. The cut of our projects. And the final goodbye. You said you were going to try and stay with me, as I am I would make it easier the game.
had bought ravioli. I wanted lots of water. Were
but you were not, did not know who was asking the glass beaker. I did not know who he was biting back. I did not know before who was screaming in pain.
That eventually makes programming channel 7 today. If I can not hear, but I mention what they say. your back hurts, my tummy hurts.
was unwarranted pain over my life. Because it did not work. Because he was not even fired. Because there was no winners expired.
I got to your car but I had no strength to get the belt. You were not there. And I loved you so much.
That win would have had I not put you through that day, had had no desire to see you so, so far, so little me. But it did. I remember the infinite loneliness of both. Your pain. Mine. And do not know how embrace that memory, to heal the two, to ask for forgiveness.
I love you. I carry in my soul.

Chau was sitting at my door. I asked you to please you arrived on time. you were my keys. I did not know how to enter my house. I could not stand the 20 minutes until you arrive in a hurry in a taxi. She was tired of sharing so much everything. I wanted to but I wanted to start putting order in my life, my head, my house, my things. I had to gave everything I had given me as a little girl so that the screw and rearrange. And they did. We went to the movies, we saw the one I like Sandra Bullock. She said goodbye to his adopted son, and I felt I left you free as a bird, you let go of the reins ... because your world was not here ... and mine was for other messy. Sure, it was the last time we met. But yeah, my final scene. That last moment.
I love you. I carry in my soul. Bye and bye.


June 8. I shouted, and I hit the closet with all my strength. Is my daughter. Do not do that. Do not take her, it's mine, give it me. I am a fierce advocate a model of parenting. I do not care about anything. Do not cross this door, here she and I slept alone. I hurt, I hurt. I felt hatred for her first time ... no.
that day where you did not understand how much I hated I lost to miss. We, months we ... nothing in my way of being, doing and walk, was viewed favorably. All were critical. And I could not live with my dad (was and resources for her and for me a good dad.) And you were alone, I left you alone, I stopped to caress, to take care of, to spoil, to keep you. He began the end. And I thought we would come back to live alone both.
I love you. I carry in my soul.

I went with from 7 am to make studies in French and Favaloro. We wanted your thrombosis was cured. We went with your mother, the two soldiers who fight with you. We read a joke book in the long wait. But it touched me, I looked. Were trying to tell me that I no longer wanted. I ate your mint gum I chew the end. At 16 pm, the last ergometry. I sat dazed in the streets near the conference loss. And I asked. If you did not want to follow. And I said no, you did not want. You buy a chocolate. and said goodbye. I cried all the way to the psychologist. But I thanked the relentlessness of your decision, there was no laps left, you left and did not come back.
I love you. I carry in my soul. Chau.

The tour, the show retro, the new Rosario overlooking the River. His eyes were so deep and virginiana. Lady of love, pain, risk virgin. And you got scared. You were right. Went hand in hand, a few kisses, a request to stay with you, coming back for you, to make the ride a little routine communication tertiary students. But you could not, rather than me mourn, but to hug, and tell me you loved me. I thought I was too ugly for you, you did not like that I was ashamed. I asked you not accompany me those 5 blocks that separated me from home.
would be fine I went to a bsas empty, sad and undervalued. But I won one of my best friends, the prince Rosario.
I love you, I carry in my soul. Chau.

no longer wanted us. But it was impossible to deny in my arms. My first man.
That night was not in our plans. But it happened. And I asked you just dawned we were crying that the hospital wanted a hiv test yours. I was really scared. Please, let's do it, and today! I die if I have to wait 3 months for me and let me "prove" that today there did I get nothing. We took the 12, crossed peacock. And that day was to stop public hospitals. Returned by 12 at 8 am, full of people, without speaking. No analysis, no nothing. Fear and goodbye.
After we were friends, lovers and brothers, until we made a covenant "forever"
I love you. I carry in my soul. Chau.

We came from Rosario. A micro cold. The two separated by the seat, sleeping. Already told you that was the end, I no longer felt the same, do not you waited anxiously for each trip and had no desire to travel to bsas to see you. But I loved it. My first boyfriend. My cousin adored. The cutest. Simply ran out of love. At least on my part. Were broken, harsh, withered. And I was too young to realize. That day I hurt. I got off the subway c for combination with b. You were following the train to take you up. I gave you a kiss. I got out and let you go. Very cinematic. Then I dedicated your first book of philosophy. Did not deserve it.
I love you. I carry in my soul. Chau.

I loved as he had never loved. 4 banks you sit further back. I in the second, you at last. You were in love with your band mates, the only one I won on average throughout the school because he was not going badly in English or physical education. And I loved you in silence. Each recess had meters that separated us in the small balcony where I was playing with you all the dreams and stories. I never wanted. In this 15th birthday was December 2000, everything was about to change. I saw playing with a baby. I was very touched, your hands look great, wonderful father potential. I looked at mine, and I understood that unconjugated design and size. I watch as you saw, and I let you go, my soul, I let you go.
After I told you and were great friends.
I love you. I carry in my soul. Chau.


not loved them all equally, not suffered equally. Some of the scenes from film rupture are more and more painful. There is one in particular that blew me to pieces of pain. But still, I wanted to share with them, once again, a hug, a kiss, a song: this song! for his unforgettable smile!
thanks for "reflected in my eyes blasted" everyone!

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panties

And again the same story. That cycle is over, finished. And that is about to start did not start.

What is the transition like? White and listless. No motivation. And though the sun every afternoon my skin brown, short, and the mirror just gives me purple circles and looks sad. Spots on the skin. Listlessness, and lack of strength. Be lack of sleep?

And trying not to let the guilt, fear, and surrender. Trying not to think heavy and clogged. Look

the walls of my house work, dust, brick, and know that the solution to moisture is found. Only fails to recognize me in that chaos, the chaos of my body and my soul. Than a puerperal woman can not trust that will change someday.

Trust that things will themselves be in order, trusting that things will be made a name alone. Trust that I can not ask anything more challenging than it already I've done. Because once again said "I can not" and here I am, without knowing the origin of that bad apple ... can .... in trying to remove it and take to their place of origin. Today I have great hopes,

As I am single I wear panties giant, no shave and cry me without makeup. Before there was time, now I have no foundation.

I'm wet. My house is wet, my eyes, my legs. I try to create a parallel little world with my mind, where men love me, and yellow flowers all year. Try, try, try, rest is heartache. I try to increase the power of the present, to thank, to praise and bless. Treatment, but the rotten butter ball is still there, inside.

If only I could mow my nerves ... if only I did not believe in anything, if so I just so nothing scary, which is that something will fill.

to see if even with the tears wash these feet a little dirty from walking barefoot and aimless. Let's see if I am, I coined and I am enough,

to see if I go through the maze of my mind Virginians,

to see if I can move again, walk a block without feeling old woman and haggard. Let's see if I can fall in love with life as it is,

A view A view A view

"I fall, I fall I'm gonna fall, if I did not raise me up "

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MOVE TO COMPAS

course. Also I hurt, I know looking back. Of course, I did what I could, and it is now, and here it was. And the split was well determined. Jovian I will not deny it hurts, but is closed and the streak is white.
In 2010 I found a floor shield 15, leaning on a window, with a sandwich, watching the fires were only two. Gabriel and Me. And I wondered what in store in 2010 and 25. And I waited, luckily, all that came later. Of love for wife and mother who broke my bones do not want to talk. O yes, but I should not. Professionally
appeared deep love for teaching and my self-recognition. Spiritually I walked the path of energy, shamanism, and Iching. And the esoteric section sucked my look at each library. Some of the destination and the mission begins to take shape. Mamísticamente, I remember three years ago, asking the belly begins to contract rhythmically mind. Wait for these next 17 days until his arrival was the longest and suffered eternity. My teeth are rotting followed. My postpartum clearly ended. And there is a scalpel to mark semicircular around my nipples. Even that was a small detail in a tangle incessant string of months, pain, acid, fearful.
Stop, drop. I'm walking down this bridge is 2010, taking off from everything. I left him, or he left me. I'm half of my weekly activities for good. Close this cycle. I begin with my scope on a sunny small hospital that brings back memories. I left the psychiatrist, prepaid and half of my cowardice. But the blame is enlarged. while I release the "trust" ... but this is polarity, the more confident, more fear I have other things that once seemed not to notice.

And to finish coloring this year end, this irreverent man appears at the bus stop. And I offer this anecdote to tell. He wears a smile that releases wind to clear the rolls of his eyes. soft-calmo.lindo. And it's everything to gain and everything to lose. With him. Me. In my progress and my destination.
today I walked in without me in any subway rail. And I learned that the only way not to fall while the train is running, is to move to COMPAS (Z).